You can’t think of everything
No matter how prepared you are – both practically and emotionally – you can never truly be prepared for that moment when you leave the most precious thing in your life to return to work. There’s a sense of enormity, uncertainty, anxiety. Even when, on some level, you’re looking forward to interacting with adult humans on a regular basis, there is something so final about handing your baby over to a grandparent, nursery, or another caregiver. As a new parent, I felt like I had learned as much as possible about what it would be like when my baby was born. I felt prepared as I shopped for all the things I thought he’d need. When he came, it was abundantly clear that I had not thought of everything. Every day, I learned something new; I discovered I needed things I didn’t have and didn’t need things I had so carefully procured. I hadn’t realized I wouldn’t be able to wash my hair for days on end, or that I would have to survive on corn chips and grapes while he slept in my arms between feeds. Returning to work was kind of like that. I tried to be ready, but my preparations fell somewhat short.Others might be learning, too
As soon as I discovered I was pregnant, I made myself familiar with my employer’s parental leave policies. My manager hadn’t had anyone take parental leave, so we learned together and came to an agreement that would suit the business and my family. When the time finally came to return to work, my baby was 11 months old and I had been a single mother for seven months. Though my ex-partner was very helpful, it was a bumpy ride as I navigated new parenthood through the lens of a single parent. I’d never imagined myself in that situation, and now I was facing the daunting reality of being a working single parent!Check in regularly
As I focused on my personal situation while on leave, I basically pretended work didn’t exist. I wish I hadn’t done that. I didn’t insist on using my keeping in touch days. I probably could have used them to get up to speed on the team’s goals and what I’d be expected to do when I went back. I had a discussion with my manager, of course, to arrange my new work schedule. But I wish I’d known just how hard it would be on that first day… for the first week… for the first few months. I really had no idea what it would be like.Clarify expectations
One of the most challenging aspects of returning to work was the pressure I put on myself to hit the ground running. When brain fog caused me to make silly mistakes, I was worried about being judged. My confidence had just taken a hit. I was constantly frustrated that I couldn’t remember things I’d known inside out only a year before.If I had a do-over, I would keep in touch so I didn’t feel like a fish out of water in a place I had, not long before, fit perfectly into.And I would ask for detailed expectations from my workplace so that I could prepare myself mentally or voice my concerns. As it was, I ended up frequently working after my baby had gone to sleep to catch up; or dreading arriving at the office or logging in from home, because I’d lost so much confidence in my ability and worried that my skills weren't evolving.