I've got the screwdriver out fixing locks on the house, I'm cleaning drain pipes out of our bathrooms, but I'm not cooking up a roast. It's just not me.At around 9.30pm as my kids are going to bed, I spend a little solo time with each of them having a quality chat. I’ve found kids always want to have their best chats with you when it's time to go to bed. And I support that because it's the time that they're ready to chat. Not in the morning or straight after school. At 10- and 12-years-old they’re getting to be their own little people and I want to be there for them in those moments when they're ready for a quality chat about their lives and their friends. Once the kids are asleep, the last hour or two of my evening is my ‘gold time’; just really doing what I enjoy.That's when I’m catching the latest Netflix show, having a beautiful hot shower, or following American politics on Twitter. It’s hard to finish, so I wrap things up at about midnight.
What's the biggest challenge as a working parent?
When the kids were really young and I first returned to work after parental leave, I felt a little bit of guilt and discomfort about not being with my babies. I always overcame this by reminding myself that their being at daycare was building their resilience and social skills. It was good for me to go back to work and feel like I was part of adult society again, but I also truly believe it was good for them too.
And now that they’re older, the biggest challenge is the juggle. I feel very blessed to have the job that I do and good work-life harmony. I work hard, but if I need to pick up my kids from school, I can. If I need to go to my child’s sports carnival, I can. All that is much harder to organise and execute when you don’t have flexibility at work. It's much more efficient to be able to flick between working and family moments on your own terms.
COVID has shown us that work and business can continue successfully without everyone sitting shoulder to shoulder in an office, and that you don’t have to be in the same room as someone to have a productive meeting. That is definitely in the past. A lot of people thought it had to be done that way to get the best outcome. But it doesn't have to be that way - in fact, there are efficiencies to be made, and many positives in not doing it that way.
Speaking of COVID, what's one thing from your experience of the pandemic that you want to take with you into the new world?
I already knew that working remotely could be highly effective. I didn’t need COVID to tell me that. So, my take away from all this is the importance of relationship building. For me to have a purely transactional relationship with Bonnie and Erin might be efficient. But there’s still the need to find time to build in that engagement that builds relationships - that’s not just around business. Even when you're not in business with friends like I am, it’s important to build relationships that are based on friendship, not just “Where's that report?” or “What time are we meeting?”. I think that that could get lost in the world of COVID because you don't necessarily Zoom just for chit chat.
We often hear from parents who feel they’ve lost their identity and personal style through their parenthood journey. Do you have any tips for them?
You definitely do lose it. You give it up. Particularly when the kids are young. You forget who you were before kids.
My first tip is to wait it out. From my experience, as your kids get older, you’ll find it easier to become the person you were before kids. You just will. As they become more independent, you'll be able to go out on your own a lot more often, and it will eventually change organically.
Having said that, my second tip is to fight it out. Make sure you schedule in some special moments that make you feel good. It could be a foot massage, a date night with your husband, or something as simple as a bath or making time to read. Find a way to have someone look after your kids so you can do something for yourself every week. If it makes you feel good, it’s important. You have to force it to happen when the kids are young, otherwise years will pass you by before you realise, “Oh, I never... went back to the gym after my second child”. Try and find a way to keep those things in your life without the guilt. You totally deserve it and it’s important to your overall health and wellbeing.
Being the best mum and wife you can be starts with being happy yourself. You can’t do that if you're not looking after yourself. So, eating well and exercising should be a priority. They have so many positive effects. I really support people doing whatever they need to look and feel good. Go get it!
Coolest thing I'm working on right now... Three Birds Styling School.
I'm grateful for… my health and my family's health.
I'm binge-watching… season eight of Homeland.
I recharge by… having time to myself late at night.
Main image: Lana Taylor (centre) with Three Birds Renovations co-founders Erin and Bonnie